Milenge Milenge review: Too staid for a comedy, too bland for a romance

Milenge Milenge is a prime `how-not-to’ example of turning an original film’s unique concept into a predictable Bollywood romance.

Milenge Milenge was made five years ago. The Indian film audience has since evolved and has developed a taste for more stimulating stories.

Of course, rom-coms are still the popular flavour, but even love stories are checking their syrupiness level and adding a dose of authenticity. In this film, the heroine describes her life’s goal as finding Mr Right, having two kids, and looking after the home and children while the husband is off to work.

Stepford Wives, anyone? For characterisation, you have the girl smiling at everyone, including unsuspecting security staff, buying flowers for no reason, and staring at wedding lehenga-cholis longingly at store windows.

Writer-director Satish Kaushik (Karzzz, Tere Naam, Mujhe Kucch Kehna Hai) has always had a problem portraying his female characters effectively. Stuck in a time warp, he believes that the leading lady ought to be a teddy-bear adoring, love-crazy girl without a mind or a spine.

So our protagonist Priya (Kareena Kapoor with the favourite screen name back then), is thrilled when a tarot card reader predicts that she will find her love within seven days, at 7 a.m., and the lover will be wearing seven colours.

She falls in love with Immy (Shahid Kapoor) who meets her ideal of being a teetotaller and a non-liar. But then we realise that Immy’s been manipulating her all along. And there’s where comes in Serendipity, the 2001Hollwood success from which the rest of the film’s plot is taken.

Priya decides to test destiny, and determine whether they’re meant for each other. Phone numbers are written on a book and a currency note. `If we’re meant to find each other, we’ll find each other’s numbers,’ they say and sign off. Now three years later.

They’re still in love with each other, but without any means to contact. That’s the ‘rom’ part. The ‘com’ part is the kind to make your toes curl. For it takes a special kind of endurance to sit through Shahid Kapoor and his college friends in drag, heaving their implants to a raunchy song.

Shahid plays the lover-boy with his usual stock of expressions that hasn’t changed over the years. His earnestness and sincerity shines through as always, though. Kareena’s character is super-boring, but her effervescence somewhat makes up for the wishy-washy character sketch.

In keeping with those times, we must endure Kareena Kapoor with blonde highlights and garish make-up (shocking pink nails, always shiny lips). And, yes, both lead characters have “best friends” employed solely for the reason of making the lead pair look good.

So forget about the film. Everyone knows it’s dated. The main draw is the onscreen, once off-screen, pairing of Kareena and Shahid. They’re cute together, but they don’t share the fun chemistry of Jab We Met. Too staid for a comedy, too bland for a romance, the film might draw those viewers keen on seeing Kareena-Shahid onscreen again.